Monday, July 31, 2006,5:24 PM
i finally managed to read chi words on my comp.
i finally waited so long juz to be able to read the words in ur blog.
i finally saw ur love and longing for her.
i finally realised that in ur past, i was prob the most insignificant.
i finally shed the tears i kept all these while.
假如能像风和雨
彼此又疏离又亲密
不问你不说的秘密，
快乐会不会延续？
maybe i finally shld do sumting.
Saturday, July 29, 2006,10:35 PM
read thru it 1 last time b4 i pressed the 'delete' button.
wat supposed to be gone, cant be kept.
actually cant wait 4 sch to start.
at least i will be kept busy.
but for now, cant wait to start work dis wkend.
doing a starhub roadshow at suntec on sat n sun.
u guys can pop by n say hi though. lol.
need to save up $$ to buy new hp ah!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006,9:53 PM
finally bk from chalet.
suddenly so many things happened in 1 nite.
getting drunk sucks.
not gonna touch alcohol for 1 more day. lol.
after everything, i finally decided to face reality.
to accept the fact all these while, it has always been u.
the fact dat no matter how hard i try, ur place in my heart can nvr be replaced.
the fact dat maybe i juz refused to try hard enuff.
the fact that u never loved me, and dun even have any feelings left for me anymore.
the fact that i can only remain a 'brother'.
the fact that whenever possible, i will be there for u when u need me.
the fact that i have been hoping all these while dat u will ever need me at all.
the fact that i am a little jealous of ur frenz, becoz u are so close to them.
the fact that i m more den willing to travel across the island even if its to see u for a short while.
the fact that the main reason for me to intro as many of my frenz to u is becoz i want u to be part of my life.
the fact that i purposely went to learn 2 duets dat u liked so i can sing with u in ktv, and not becoz i liked those songs.
the fact that i will do almost anything to protect u and make u happy.
the fact that my heart cracked when u said u dun have feelings for me anymore, u love her, and u will always be my 'brother'.
the fact that everytime i force myself not to contact u and not to tink of u, it hurts.
the fact that becoz i wanted to protect our frenship, i can never let u noe abt all these.
the fact that whenever i get to see u, i am juz automatically happy.
all these and many more.
its time to face facts.
but i m still not rdy to say it in ur face.
Sunday, July 23, 2006,8:33 PM
finally tmr is the chalet.
but why issit i am not excited anymore?
its hard to plan something for 2 grps.
not interested to do it anytime again soon.
dunno how dis will turn out anyway.
every1 is neither here nor there.
all becoz of the stupid ghost festival.
most of the pple are not really in the mood oso.
1 buddy most likely not coming,
1 fren having r/s probs,
1 getting pissed off w this and dat,
1 too busy and dun seem interested,
and the rest not too sure.
me? doesnt matter.
its not gonna turn out like wat i envisioned and hoped it would.
i juz noe it. *shrugz*
looking 4ward to the booze though. lol.
gotta borrow $$ from mum again ltr. damn.
nagging alert!
to my buddy(if she even gets to see this):
hope to see u at the chalet. but even if i dun, i will understand.
Friday, July 21, 2006,11:32 PM
finally started work, albeit only for 2 days.
cant wait to get $$!
and the flyer guy STILL haven put in my $$ into my acc!
msg him but he nvr reply.
better dun cheat me man.
have alot of debts to repay sia.
aarrggh.
3 more days to chalet! :)
but things dun look very gd.
hope pple are staying.
played a rd of mahjong juz now after dunno how long.
quite fast though, finished a rd in slightly less den an hr. :)
juz got cheated by an acquaintance man.
if u guys ever receive an email asking u to take a quiz abt a prediction of ur crush and love life, DUN take it, if not details of ur lovelife will be sent to the sender!
sigh, i fell in the trap.
lucky the acquaintance dat sent me this dun noe me dat well, heng.
if not damn paiseh.
cant imagine if the person who sent me this is the person i like. *faintz*
dis is wat u get for being pi yang.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006,6:10 PM
after yest i realised i have been so stupid.
so.fucking.stupid.
lived in my world of deceit.
gave my happiness up for sadness.
its time for me to wake up.
and hopefully get my happiness back.
finally starting work tmr. :)
1 whole long day. sigh.
told mum abt chalet and steamboat juz now.
surprisingly not met w any objections. yet.
guess i gotta be a guai kia dis wkend.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006,10:30 PM
slacked the whole day at home.
was damn tired, but couldnt get myself to slp.
all becoz of the same reasons.
watched the 9pm show juz now.
identified so much with weixiang.
sigh.
yiwei is right, i am running away from reality.
i need to face it, someday.
1 step at a time.
damn.
congrats wayne!
hope u will stay happy w her. :)
Sunday, July 16, 2006,8:56 PM
finally done w my flyers 2dae.
cheated abit though.
ok, quite alot. :)
cant wait 4 $$ to come in.
and the guy nvr reply my sms. aarrgghh.
heard sumthing i dun really like yest.
but theres nothing i can do abt it.
and theres nothing much i can say.
juz have to swallow it down like cough medicine.
no pt asking me wat it is.
frenz say i have a pretty big ego.
and i have to admit it is true.
sometimes (rather, most of the time) it gets me into alot of misunderstandings.
but this time, it becomes pretty useful.
so dat i wun ruin everything ard me.
finally going to cut hair tmr!
had to borrow $$ from mum to do it.
had to deliberate for nearly 2hrs b4 i can open my mouth.
hate asking $$ from pple. even if its my mum.
aarrgghh.
Saturday, July 15, 2006,9:50 PM
went to distribute flyers 2dae.
damn tiring man.
walked ard blocks, up and down, for more den 4hrs.
but still only finished half of it! sigh.
if not gg out w frenz, prob finish the rest tmr, if not den mon loh.
money not easy to earn sia. lol.
hope we can manage to get a chalet.
looking forward to it! :)
but have to convince parents liao. sigh.
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Friday, July 14, 2006,10:21 PM
"People need love most, when they deserves it the least."saw this again for the 2nd time.
got me thinking.
shld i? shld i not?
can i? can i not?
i guess, subconsciously, i have my answers.
i juz need to accept it.
"I chose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection. I chose to love you in your loneliness, for in your loneliness no one owns you, but me."so.very.true.
finally managed to find jobs.
cant wait to start. and earn $$.
any1 wanna train me to drive manual vehicles?
threw it bk to my instructors 2yrs ago le.
dunno how am i gonna handle a van and find my way all ard singapore man. sigh.
Thursday, July 13, 2006,9:25 PM
went for a supposedly not-very-safe interview in the noon.
ended up getting scolded from parents when i told them abt it juz now.
sigh. why doesnt any1 believe i CAN take care of myself?
or at least i will learn how to take care of myself?
shld have juz kept quiet next time.
hope we can really go on with the chalet.
cant wait for it! can play!! :)
hoping i can find a short short job b4 the 20th.
need cash to tide me over man.
if not i will have to stay at home till den and be a couch potato. heh.
sry char, i promise i will bank the $$ in ur acc as soon as i have cash. paiseh paiseh.
"You and her that's what you want. You and me that's what I dream."
"I should tell you how I really feel, but I'm afraid of what you might say..."
"How can you be friends with someone when everytime you see them you want them even more?!"
"Falling in love is easy, staying in love requires work."
"The space between what's wrong and right is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you."
Tuesday, July 11, 2006,11:24 PM
went town w frenz 2dae.
never ate so much for quite sum time man.
had porridge at home b4 i left, ate wanton mee w joel at 2+, had chicken rice w yiwei at 6+ and shared a large gelare waffle w LS at 8+.
madness.
and i m still going to eat a bowl of chicken soup when i go offline.
and maybe a glass of wine. lol.
i tink i shld be able to slp quite well 2nite.
*yawnz*
i tink i shld be fair to everyone ard me.
i have to start thinking b4 i do/say anything.
if not i might make another mistake and clean up the mess again.
mum is still writing long emails to me abt the usual stuff.
and now even my cousin does the same.
*shrugz*
i really hate reading long emails. and replying them.
and i have a feeling someone in my hse is secretly reading my blog.
if i suddenly change addy, i will let u guys noe.
i HATE being spied on. in addition to being controlled.
i have a very strong urge to tok to u.
even if its only for awhile.
Monday, July 10, 2006,11:03 PM
hmmz, glad things are still salvageable for my frenz.
true love shld prevail. :)
supposed to work 2dae at raffles place, but ended up slacking w frenz.
*shakes head*
too many lazy bones in me.
was freaking tired anyway.
tokked to joel till nearly 4am last nite to cheer her up (dunno if it worked though).
and my stupid hp alarm is useless in waking me up.
lucky i suddenly popped out of bed at 11.08 to check hp.
if not confirm late.
dun understand why am i STILL popping out of bed at sudden times though.
irritating.
i tink i have to be more rational at times.
its supposed to help protect myself?
from what, i m still not sure.
think i m 90% sure i m not gg for femme quest.
dunno if i can handle the pple there (particularly a few).
dun even wan to try.
dun wan to have to handle folks at home too.
but i m really itching to club!! aarrgghh.
Sunday, July 09, 2006,8:57 PM
3 times in 3 consecutive days!!
how lucky can i get? :)
u seem to be the only single person dat can make me really happy.
for now. :)
hope my 2 frenz managed to work things out in a way dats best for them.
r/s is a freaking complicating thing.
cant every1 juz be simple??
*shrugz*
decided to give up the outdoor marketing job.
i juz cant tok n tok n sell n sell.
juz have to survive on my irregular pittance of an income.
suddenly, i wish sch would start soon.
Saturday, July 08, 2006,11:33 PM
after yest's chance encounter, by a stroke of luck, managed to meet u again 2dae. :)
why is town always so freaking crowded on a sat??
took neoprints again! :)
went pitstop w frenz after dat.
pretty cool place.
as cool as minds.
lol shall brg more frenz there next time.
can take pics too! lol.
wanted to ton at fren hse to watch soccer 2nite,
but THE mum said if i were to ton, i cant go out tmr.
kaoz.
where got such thing wan?!
aarrgghh.
so in the end i m home.
wat u dun say, is wat i wanna noe.
Friday, July 07, 2006,11:05 PM
friday is going to be over.
its finally over.
its been a nice 1 n a half hrs.
at least the wkends are here.
cant wait to see the pl gang tmr nite.
have to repeat my story all over again.
lol.
realli surprised to see u juz now.
actually, more glad den surprised. :)
we shld have more of such chance encounters next time. :p
went for an interview for a part time position juz now.
little did i noe it was for a marketing position.
which means i m expected to dress formally and market products to 100+ pple?!
sigh.
i shldnt have been too friendly, den maybe i wun get the job. lol.
n now i dunno how 2 reject.
oh well, juz stick in for the $$.
praying i get a better job so i can leave. lol.
wondering how can a shy person like me do outdoor surveying n marketing??
madness. :(
cant $$ drop from heaven??
aarrgghh.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006,11:31 PM
another day closer to friday.
i m pretty amazed at my own self-control.
i can act as though noting has happened.
even though there r butterflies in my stomach.
getting there, jo, getting there.
fuck it.
i m scared.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006,9:35 PM
a day closer to friday.
mind still a blank.
i realised i m not fit for u.
racked all my brains, but i still cant rmb ur exact bdae.
and i m too scared to ask.
self-control is a very powerful tool.
dats all i have left to kp me going.
thoughts of u have to go.
memories can still remain.
i haven't been so tired for a long long time.
Sunday, July 02, 2006,8:59 PM
so many things i cant say,
so many things i cant do.
treading on dangerous ground.
love and freedom juz dun seem to go together.
realised i can forgive, but i cant forget.
its hard not to be able to say wat u really wan to say.
but sumtimes its for the best.
i dun need that 1 last push anymore.
i will let go of the rope and fall.
all on my own.
