Saturday, September 30, 2006,9:54 PM
ok, sumting happier 2nite.
brought
her to watch the play "Fundamentally Happy" by The Necessary Stage yest as a surprise.
the play was not bad, a pretty gd 70mins.
her joy was priceless. :)
den went to pop a surprise visit on
her friend.
i really travelled the whole of sg le.
from pasir ris to bb, from bb to bdk, bdk to marine parade, marine parade bk to bdk, den home. wow. but it felt great. :)
met fenix for ktv juz now at clementi (sigh, west again. lol).
sang till i had nearly no more voice sia.
but she sound like she could still go on. power.
partyworld have more new songs den kbox leh. unfair.
and i managed to barely escape the dancing part. phew. super malu.
after dat met
her for a short dinner.
bought wax too. sigh. styling is so tiring.
den travelled all the way bk to pasir ris.
why cant i juz stay in the west? urgh.
parents was nagging again. double sigh.
had to stuff myself with my dinner coz i told mum i will be eating.
didnt expect them to leave so much food for me.
shldnt have gave in to temptation and bought satays b4 dat.
hope i dun grow fat with all those food.
if not i will get "sword" stares le. heh.
Thursday, September 28, 2006,9:40 PM
its been a tiring week so far.
went to watch "Imagine you and me" and "John Tucker must die" on mon with
her.
she loves dat day, coz town was FULL of
her eye candies. *shrugz*
met fenix on tues for lunch, and sat down to talk, as usual. lol.
"I dunno whether wat i said helped, but i still wish u all the best"
went to work at robinsons banquet dat evening till 10.
sian and tiring, but oh well, for the $$.
met
her on wed, brought
her to swiss culture for fondue and some grill combo thing.
food is not bad, but dun ask abt the px.
i got dagger stares from
her after
she saw the bill. heh.
went to meet friends in town after dat, den went to robinsons to work again.
went shopping with
her 2dae at bugis.
but not b4 i was made to study for awhile in national lib 1st. urgh.
bot berms, and
she bot me a t-shirt. heh. :)
tink we machiam walked the whole bugis le.
and juz had tuition, which juz increases my blood pressure as usual.
2 wks to exams and she still cannot master her equation-solving skills!
and her excuse is dat she is stupid, when i told her 10 times dat she is lazy. sigh.
but tmr shld be nice.
slacking at home to clear all my shows, den meeting
her for dinner and a surprise. :)
juz read someone's diary entry in fridae.
got me thinking.
u juz cant treat 2 pple the same way. nice or not.
somethings can be let go, but juz cant be forgotten.
"sha gua", such an endearing term.
my brain cells shld be made retractable as and when i like.
so i dun have to think too much everytime i know stuff. *shrugz*
forget it, no pt writing further.
its over, although i wished it never happened.
juz reminds me of my stupidity. *shrugz*
now, it will juz be
you,
you and only
you.
although i really dunno if i shld meet
you so often.
what if 1 day
you really get sick of me?
i cant always be so emotional and do things my way right?
i dunno. forget it.
Sunday, September 24, 2006,11:20 PM
worked the whole day, tired.
lost count of the number of times i yawned.
haven bowled for a yr+ le.
shld go bowling 1 day during this term brk.
b4 i missed the chance again.
but i hate carrying my heavy ball. urgh.
some pple think i m still unhappy, some pple think i am already happy.
but if u ask me, i cant give them a definite answer.
i guess i am a little happier since wks ago.
i dunno how will the future go, but i hope
you can be the last.
i m tired of searching, i dun like the vicious cycle 1 bit.
i found
you among the vast crowd of pple entering and leaving my life.
and i hope
you are here to stay.
i dunno if
you are the perfect one, if theres such a person.
but i will wait patiently to discover.
and wish silently, dat i could be your 1st and last.
Saturday, September 23, 2006,8:45 PM
hmmz, other den tuition and going out w parents, stayed at home the whole day!
amazing. and boring.
yesterday was a great day. :)
went to meet
her at bb, den went for dinner at suntec and finally ended up at
her fav place, Paulaners! lol.
i tink if we were ever spotted in cityhall area in the evening, most likely will end up there le. heh.
slacked for awhile outside raffles city, b4
she managed to chase me bk home so dat we can catch the train.
manz, i feel like a little kid vying for attention.
ok, i m a happy and childish kid. sue me. :p
tmr got work again!
but 4 once, i actually dun like work DAT much tmr.
coz
she is free and i m not. urgh.
but oh well, shall wait for mon den. :)
next wk will be a happy wk. i hope.
Thursday, September 21, 2006,8:34 PM
dedicated to
you:
i dunno why am i telling
you all these.
i dun even know if its the right thing to do.
but i chose to open up about my feelings, coz i hope dat 1 day,
you can open up about yours too.
considering the time we really got to know each other, everything btw us seems fast.
time has never been a problem to me, but i guess it is to
you.
but dun worry, i understand.
even me myself cant believe how much my feelings for
you has grown during this period of time.
even forcing myself to kp a distance from
you in all aspects doesnt help.
all i can think abt everyday and nite is
you, and i dun even have a choice not to.
it sucks to have to say this, but everytime we tok on the fone, i wish we didnt have to put down, everytime we meet, i wish we didnt have to leave, everytime we are apart, i wished the next meeting would come.
but
you juz seem so cool abt everything.
maybe its not a bad thing bah, coz i wouldnt want
you to be unhappy.
i trust
you as a person and friend, ur character and all, but as for ur feelings, honestly, i dunno.
you seem nice to almost every gd friend, i cant tell if theres any diff btw me and them.
i am not complaining, the fact dat
you are nice is 1 of the pts dat attracted me to
you in the 1st place.
maybe i am not expressive to
you enough, maybe
you cant feel dat much of my love, so
you are too scared to reciprocate even if
you wan to?
or maybe, deep down inside, i am juz a gd friend?
i know i seem like a weakling for saying all these, and honestly speaking, i thought abt it for a few days b4 deciding to write this.
i dunno if anything will come out of this, i dunno if anything will change.
i juz hope
you wun be angry or unhappy after reading this.
i wun expect anything from
you, i juz wanna be honest, dats all.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006,9:04 PM
term brk is next wk. finally.
no more early morns, have loads of time to do my own things.
shld get some serious studying done too.
i still think of the past, i wun deny.
but not becoz i miss it, or the pple in it.
i wan to noe wat i did wrong.
i dun wan to repeat my mistakes. ever.
i have been trying hard, but emotions still get the better of me.
so tired, but i will kp trying.
maybe until the day i can find sum1 dat i can trust 100%.
sum1 i can place all my emotions in the hands of. with confidence.
Sunday, September 17, 2006,12:27 PM
watched "little man" yest, damn funnny show sia. lol.
next in line is "john tucker muz die"! :)
had a fucking headache last nite.
muz be due to gulping down alcohol too fast.
signs of getting old, urgh.
missed the younger days where it takes at least 10 hse pours to get me down.
*shrugz*
my mind was all filled with
you.
tossed and turned, shut and opened,
but
you juz refused to go away.
i am tired. of fighting against myself.
the distance i tried so hard to maintain is taking its toll.
its not even something i wanna do.
but i dun have a choice. do i?
i dun wanna fall too deep. not yet.
but i am scared i cant control myself for long.
i wish
you could help, but i dun tink dats possible.
juz be happy, dats all i ask.
Friday, September 15, 2006,11:32 AM
2dae is a free day, thx to my tutor and grp mates!
but its raining like hell now, oso cant go anywhere.
damnit. shrugz.
had a pretty nice nite yest. :)
but had a horrible slp last nite.
went to bed at 12+, but couldnt get to slp.
tried listening to emo songs and tossed and turned for dunno how many hrs.
i only can rmb i was damn pissed off at myself.
ok, maybe i tink too much.
and when i finally got to slp at dunno wat time, i STILL dun get peace.
had a disgusting bad dream.
was being attacked by a cockroach-like creature and and humongous dragonfly?!
the cockroach-like thing managed to get its way into my throat and happily stayed there while i was trying to gorge it out!
and when dat was finally done, the humongous dragonfly had to appear and terrorise me by attacking my back?!
manz, how suay can i be sia.
woke up suddenly in a shock, and juz laid there stunned for awhile b4 i went bk to slp.
too damn tired lah.
tink it was daytime le, coz can feel light coming thru my windows.
there goes my supposed free-to-slp-as-late-as-i-wan nite. urgh.
received a call from my boss, have more working days le!
but i juz realised something, i gotta work on the 1st sat of oct, so i dun tink i can make it for the next gathering le. sorry ahbu!
the present reality is ever-changing.
sumtimes gd, sumtimes bad.
but past experiences has already made its impact.
unless i can be totally sure, i cant afford to let myself have hopes and expectations.
i hate to force myself to do things i dun wanna do, but i dun have a choice.
reality juz cant give me 1.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006,12:36 PM
life is so contradicting.
sometimes u have to be brave and go all out,
sometimes u have to step back to protect urself.
if only there can be a 1-step guaranteed-success method for all problems.
how do u strike a balance between rationality and emotions?
impossible.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006,9:16 PM
had a 'tour' of bukit panjang and bukit timah area.
alienated places.
passed by chestnut drive and JI coincidentally.
felt weird.
dun ask me why.
will go bk for the beauty world mutton soup 1 day.
i decided to face reality.
its too tiring to kp hiding and deceiving myself.
i juz have to take things slow.
and learn from my mistakes.
i shld seriously start studying.
although now i really dunno how.
my brain is not fucking working.
Monday, September 11, 2006,10:06 PM
emo day.
half paralysed in 1 shoulder.
took an hr+ bus journey from pasir ris to lavendar mrt, juz to think.
found another person who likes long bus journeys.
coincidentally, she and the prev person are of the same horoscope. lol.
hope is like a double-edged sword.
use it rightly, and it can help u win battles of happiness.
use it wrongly, and it kills u instantly.
str8 from the heart.
but humans, being humans, juz cant seem not to hope,
no matter how minute it is.
so who are to blame? ourselves.
rule of the day:
when it is time to leave, dun linger.
when u made up ur mind to stay, dun leave.
Friday, September 08, 2006,9:19 PM
to all those who r concerned:
nope, theres no1 new in my life.
there hasn't been any1 new for quite some time.
sry for frenz dat i have 'neglected',
i juz cant brg myself to laugh and joke with u guys all the time.
its getting tiring.
watever probs u all have, i m really sry i cant help,
i can only juz wish u all the best.
i finally played a game of basketball on my own at jp juz now.
it feels so diff.
and the score sux.
after 1 game, i gave up.
maybe my arms r getting fat. heh.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006,8:26 PM
sch is tiring.
finally get to work on sun!
i wonder wat r u doing now,
how have u been,
do u even notice my absence,
or are u relieved dat i m gone?
i cant even brg myself to play basketball on my own.
all i can do is stand behind and watch pple play in pairs.
in the past, i will practise on my own so dat i can hopefully improve our score when we play tog, coz i noe u are happy when ur scores r high.
but now, its juz to relive memories, nothing else.
no motivation, no drive, no pt.
Sunday, September 03, 2006,9:54 PM
its been 10 days since i last contacted u.
trust me, it hasn't been easy, and its not gonna be.
but i dun have a choice.
u took up so much of me, dat i have to let pieces of u go, bit by bit.
i juz hope u are happy.
i cannot get myself into another mess again. never.
i have to run away at the 1st sight of 'danger'.
run away, away, away.
gd frenz, pls help to remind me of wat i said above.
finaly getting pics from ahbu tmr.
i tink got nearly 100 of them liao sia.
new pics posting up soon!
Saturday, September 02, 2006,10:48 PM
went to work at starhub 2dae till 6pm, den went to meet char, cec and ahbu for dinner in town.
working is nice! but 2dae so little customers, boring.
the restaurant was not bad.
food was not bad, esp the desserts, gd!
shall blog abt it when i get the pics.
wat do u do when u are falling or might fall for sum1 u shld not fall for?
be rational and run far far away.
wat do u do when u are trying to get over sum1 u have already fallen hard for?
still be rational and run even further away.
teach me how to be rational.
i really need a crash course in it. fast.
Friday, September 01, 2006,11:28 PM
hmmz pretty happy day.
went all over bugis to eat.
had fried wanton mee, bb tea, mango w glutinous rice and nasi briyani!
shall blog abt it in the food blog when i got my pictures rdy.
finally gonna work tmr!
covering for my fren's fren.
so cancelled tuition so i can work. hehe.
finally got my mp3 player yest at Comex.
dat place is hell man.
nvr seen so many pple in a confined place for a long time.
can finally continue having my own 'pte time' w my mp3 player.
