Saturday, May 13, 2006,3:02 PM
staring at the screen, i suddenly dunno wat to type.
i wished i hadn't read dat entry, wished i hadn't asked you abt it.
at least i can still lie to myself dat theres still hope.
maybe i follow my emotions too much.
i always let them rule my life.
itz becoz of them, dat i chose u.
itz becoz of them, dat i m willing to risk every part of me to be with u.
itz becoz of them, dat i had to agree to give u up to make u happier.
itz becoz of them, dat i m feeling like shit now.
the malacca trip didnt help me much.
it juz dragged me deeper and made me realise more scary stuff.
itz tiring to kp having hopes, only to have them crushed by the person who gave it to u.
but i have to learn how 2 deal w it?
another vicious cycle.
honestly speaking, i m scared of being with u too.
i am scared dat u dun turn out to be the person i thought u would be.
i have been hurt dat way twice, its enuff.
i kp telling myself u wun be such a person.
i trusted u 4 who u r, coz i love u.
but time after time, u always do/say very unexpected stuff.
maybe i need to learn more on how 2 judge a person on 1st sight.
