Tuesday, June 20, 2006,8:51 PM
managed to come home in time to watch the 7pm show.
1 sentence in it is so true.
"the taste of unrequited love is so heartwrenching. it makes my heart feels as though it is frozen. so cold, so cold."
mum dropped 2 very long emails to me.
asking me to share my life and experiences w her, so she can understand.
but somehow, i really dunno wat to reply.
so i didnt, for now.
i noe i sound mean for saying this, but pple whom i wan to leave me alone to my own devices, juz wun. but pple whom i wish would stay ard in my life more, juz dun seem to care.
reaching the period where i m questioning wat m i doing again.
luckily i dun have mood swings (dat often).
1 thing i hate to do in this world, is to force myself to do things i dun wan to.
but these days, i juz have no choice.
forcing myself will not make me happier, but theres the hope that it will lessen the sadness.
juz a hope.
maybe i m too stubborn.
have been doing alot of wrong things, but i juz refuse to listen to pple's advices.
pple see things clearer as an outsider, but yet i choose to believe dat they wun understand since they r not an insider.
there muz be a prob w me sumhow.
'sometimes, the person u finally end up with, might not be the person u love'
i kp believing that such a situation will never happen to me.
i wouldnt allow it to.
maybe i try too hard.
building up the blocks bit by bit, according to the pace of the special someone.
all becoz i juz wan to be with the person i love and no1 else.
she is queen, i m her slave.
stupid, yes.
unworthy, no.
but somehow, that tower of mine always eventually collapses.
the queen left, taking every1 and every thing with her.
leaving me to fix the damage.
and to look for another queen to rebuild another tower for.
now i finally stop.
sat down to think.
will anyone be willing to build a tower for me instead?
will i ever be the king of anyone's heart?
do i even deserve to be?
shld i find such a someone instead?
pple i really loved, left.
and i left those dat i dun.
retribution? probably.
a vicious cycle? definitely.
i can get over, i can forgive, but i cant forget.
and it sucks when pple who broke my trust, can get it bk easily juz with a few words and fake actions.
but yet i have to fight toe and nail to prove my trustworthiness.
juz shows how sucky i am.
tired of walking the ground barefooted.
feet scorched by the sun.
no $$ to buy shoes.
no1 is willing to lend me their slippers.
shld start looking for an empty bench beneath a tree.
so i can lie down and slp.
and wait for a kind soul to pick me up.
i need pple to hit me hard.
knock me out of my senses, and into reality.
if any of my frenz read this, do it.
u can let me noe in advance, or juz do it suddenly.
i wun retaliate, i promise.
dats the only thing u guys can do to help me now.
