Sunday, November 19, 2006,10:51 PM
took half the train journey to bask in the remains of ur closeness.
wout much words exchanged.
but at the endpoint, i left wout turning back. again.
its the time of the year again.
the time where i force myself to be buried in my cave, leaving everything and everyone else outside.
it always happens b4 exams. most of the time.
i dun understand why muz there be so many explanations among pple.
why cant pple juz give and take, listen and let past, forgive and forget?
i already have 2 suggestted "serious talking" sessions lined up after exams.
both of which i cant really run away from.
dun u guys already noe i m not sum1 who can express exactly wat i think verbally in front of pple?? (dis is not directed to any1 in particular)
why cant pple juz be able to read each others' minds??
den i will have a "script" to say when i put 2-and-2 together.
urgh. wat muz come, will come.
do u all really think i actually like saying "aiya wateva lah, dun care lah. up to u lah."??
ok, i admit i dun dislike saying it.
but i have reasons for saying it.
most of the times i really cant decide.
or rather, i cant come up with a decision dat i think is good enough.
every decision i am made to make, i have to consider alot of things.
whether the pple involved will be happy, whether i will be happy, will there be any consequences after dat, etc.
i have nearly reached the point whereby the more serious the decision is, the more i fear of making it.
becoz i made too many wrong decisions in my life.
and regretting after everything sux.
all becoz i think with my heart, not my brain.
i am juz not rational enough when it concerns me.
maybe i m too selfish?
maybe i rather accept the wrong decisions others make, den to make 1 myself.
are we really not open with each other enough?
are there really alot of "shit" behind the smiles?
do we hide too much, thinking its for the betterment for the other?
or do we juz not see the need to say/ask too much?
i m bad at reacting on the spot.
i am not a quick thinker.
nor a fast reactor.
i act on impulse.
so i need time to think.
before i can come up with sumthing rationally possible.
or sumting close to dat.
cheryl: paiseh ah, caused 2 "cane marks" on ur leg juz now. heh. sry sry. and thx 4 offering to get bb tea 4 me. :)
ok, this will prob be the longest entry till exams are over.
prob save the rest till den.
gd luck to all those having exams too!
